


it just wasn't like the old days anymore

by princegrantaire



Category: The Libertines
Genre: Just a drabble i guess, M/M, it's set in present day, post-reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-01-10
Packaged: 2018-05-12 23:55:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5686525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princegrantaire/pseuds/princegrantaire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carl has some doubts about the reunion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it just wasn't like the old days anymore

> _it just wasn't like_   
>  _the old days anymore_   
>  _no it wasn't like those days_   
>  _am I still ill?_

Carl has grown to have the tendency to shut down for a bit at any mention of the words "Pete Doherty". Years ago, in the Good Old Days (he can see the words capitalized in his thoughts, in his dreams, they practically haunt him) that would have seemed unimaginable (but perhaps he expected it somehow, he's always tried to prepare himself for the worst). And then later it came to be a survival method, an attempt to avoid sticky fingering poking at the already tattered pieces of their relationship, as if his own hadn't done enough damage. He hasn't yet managed to shake off that habit (like many others of his) but he tries his best.

These days things should be different, he knows that, and sometimes he thinks they are, or at the very least they _could_ be. There's always a moment after a disagreement with Peter (not even a fight, these days they hardly fight) when he feels sharp fear settle in his stomach and it makes him nauseus but it vanishes just as quickly as it appears. He can't quite figure out why he feels like every moment spent together could be their last, maybe this thing they now have, whatever it is, is still a bit too fragile. Maybe he just needs to give it time but he's never been particularly patient.

He still freezes up for a moment or two in interviews when he's asked about Peter, weeks and months and years of being asked about his troubled partner (yes, Peter never stopped being his partner, it just took Carl a while to realize that) have managed to do that to him but nowadays it's easier to face his fears, a quick glance to his side is enough to reassure him that Peter is still there with him (although to his dismay Carl is often shocked to be faced with reality, the Peter he remembers (the Peter he sees in his dreams and nightmares far too often) is a slim and idealistic youth) (he doesn't mind the reminder of the years they've wasted, he just needs to get used to it) and more often than not he'll feel the comforting weight of Pete's hand on his knee or his arm around his shoulder, they'll whisper a quick joke to one another and Carl would feel whole again, if only for a little while.

It's not the old thing, it's not what they used to have, it might better but Carl can't quite bring himself to believe that, stuck with the knowledge that he might wake up any moment now. He often makes himself remember that at least these days he has Edie, the kids, even Peter (if he can make himself believe it) to make sure he doesn't get lost in his own doubts again.

It's going to be better than the old days. Sometimes he can believe it.


End file.
